today wasn't really a good day.been affected about what happened since yesterday and well,yea.did bio test and english graded assignment.maybe i should stop thinking about it so much and stop emo-ing around.it has come to end of january now.feb will be here tomorrow and it's time for me to get on with life.let go of the past and learn from it.start anew.life's still long and there's still a long way more to go to april.must think of some solutions to convince him.anyway,thanks for mich,dan,joy and cass.you all made me feel better yea.being able to share and to get things off my mind really make life easier and more lively.
gosh.just now when i was walking to the bus lane at central.accidentally stepped onto this guy's slippers and one of it actually broke! it was only a slight step i swear.the guy was with two of his friends.i was kinda panic and said sorry to him then he and his friends started laughing at his stupid broken slipper,making me feel like laughing too .the nightmare didn't end when the three of them happened to take the same bus at me and alighted at the same stop.gosh! wad a luck! fortunately he still could manage to walk with one perfect slipper.haha...they kept laughing and stared at me in the bus.really man.still feel so bad about it but yea.have good time laughing at myself when i got home.

okay.come on.smile more,laugh more and the days will be much better!!! yea shout out loud and get back that smile MARIA!

p.s: good luck for your tournament today const. moth!

and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO STEPH IN ADVANCE!!!YOUR SWEET 16 WILL BE HERE IN FEW HOURS' TIME GIRL.STAY HAPPY ALWAYS!!

"...But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over

I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
It's shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die..."

things seem to get worse.i doubt i will be completely fine again.why must it be so unfair to me? all the excitement and plans are all ruined now.i will never have a chance to smile and be overjoyed about it anymore.no more.why must you keep making me cry?is that just all you do? well,you stop me from doing the things i want to do.you ruined my dreams and the wishes i wanted to fulfill.and now,here you come,making me cry and deepen the cut in my heart?why can't you do just one,all i need is just one constructive thing which can help?why can't you just give me a chance to express how i feel and be more sensitive for just once? you take control over my life and do nothing good to it.you're just hurting me more and making me to hate you.you have no cheek to come and tell me the truth,you even show me not a single bit of your sensitiveness and care.who am i to you? don't you know i keep asking myself that and i never get the answer i want.if i was granted a wish now,how i wish i could run away from this place,far away from you and away from all the shit things i have to face now.this world is just a bunch of trash.my life is just like a trash too.
i seem to be a bad person,heartless and i'm truly a heartbreaker.i don't know how to love and i can't just love anyone like how i did before.because people just keep breaking my heart and driving me to the corner.i can't get out of this.even the person whose heart was broken by me,now turn back and point the finger at me.what else can i say? i told you i'm heartless and now,i can't feel anything.i'm unable to tell what i'm feeling inside now.it's all mixed up.it's too painful to feel it.can someone just tell me when is this going to end?when can i have my heart healed again? or perhaps it's not gonna be how it used to be anymore...

"ADULTS ARE JUST A BUNCH OF MEANIES AND BULLIES.I HATE YOU.GET OUT OF MY LIFE AND LEAVE ME ALONE."

cca today was fun and pretty awesome!
we spent more than half an hour playing double wacko game with the new sec1 members.i had a chance to laugh my heart out and yea had fun and put aside all the sadness from the past week.i love my friends.my juniors who were there for me even though they don't really know my problems.but it's all right,i appreciate your presence.i can't imagine what would it be like after you all graduate next year.i don't think i will have time like such to laugh my heart out anymore.and definitely,i'll miss you guys damn load.

"i just wanna live and laugh out loud everyday"

tears rolled down my cheeks then landed onto the pillow and soon it dried up.don't know how much i have cried though i was trying real hard to hold back my tears.it seemed to be easier said than done.i didn't expect it was that hard to just say these few sentences and in a nick of time,everything is over.i thought i would be able to hold back myself from falling,i was confident, no, overconfident that i would be strong enough to control my emotions but i was wrong.and now my heart is torn apart.it's aching too much and i don't think it's possible for me to get over with the pain.
i'm guilty,i'm cruel i'm bad.all i know is breaking ppl's heart and making things worse.nothing will ever seem to turn out right when i'm involved.i ruined everything.and now all the memories were all taken away.everything in the past three months was totally destroyed.no hope,no love,no glory,no happy ending.everything has gone.but you were the only thing which still remains deep down in my heart and sadly, i know eventually you will fade away.it didn't work out for us this way but i hope from here we can renew our friendship.i want to start everything afresh again.forget about the sweet,bitter times,the empty promises and all the white lies.it's all buried deep down in the hearts.i don't wish to bring it out anymore.cos it hurts badly.it does.

"___ I do believe I failed you
___I know I let you down
Don’t you know I tried so hard
To love you in my way
It’s easy let it go...
___I’m empty since you left me
Trying to find a way to carry on
I search myself and everyone
To see where we went wrong
’cause there’s no one left to finger
There’s no one here to blame
There’s no one left to talk to, honey
...."

i've just somehow done with my homeworks which are supposed to be due by tmr.well im stuck with chinese.dont even have a clue of how to do it.big S! the past week was really fast and there were many things happened.well,i did something which was really horrible.i must say that i screwed things up and well,almost broke someone's heart and ruin everything.but thank goodness everything was well solved,but somehow i have this feeling that some certain things had changed and it can be the same anymore.
i was broken-hearted i thought though i knew i hurt somebody.i dont even know what has been going thru my mind.it seems as if i can't even differentiate what's i should do and should prioritize right now.things are getting complicated.i wanted to give up everything in a nick of time but yea..managed to get hold of myself and hopefully i won't think or do anymore silly stuff before i lose things too soon to realize.
3 tests are coming up for next week.somehow quite confident for maths and accounts but still have to revise for it though.for now i only hope for the better in all things.i'm really sorry if i have to prioritize my studies and other stuff...but i really have to.you know what's important to me right now.i'm not trying to say that you're not important.you know what i mean and i hope you will understand.


"sorry seems to be the hardest word"

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY MICHELLE!!!
you're a big girl now.must call you jie-jie already!
haha big monkey! enjoy your SWEET-16 okay?
i'll catch up with you in 11 months' time.
haha=)
loves!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BETRIS!!
the oldest of the class.you're like 16 when i just 15?!
haha...anyway,stay happy and be sweet for it is your SWEET-16!
haha=) study hard play hard!
loves!

i'm here once again and well,am getting busy recently as usual.tonnes of homeworks and tests are coming up this week.sometimes i don't even have time for myself but well,when i sat back and think,i somehow discovered myself feeling really exhausted and tired doing all these.well,not school works but other stuff as well.just feel like giving up everything...but i just can't.and well,i won't allow myself to do that.
accounts test tmr and i haven't done studying yet.turn one round and i realized that this week is gonna end soon as well.time passes fast and there are still things left undone behind.i'm trying to catch up with things that happen around me and i'm really afraid that i will be lost and left behind...
speechless for now.i'm really tired.

i'm finally back here again.been busy for the past week due to homeworks and works at home.stayed back in school to help out for the sec1 parents' night duty and was really worn out.cca resumed and so do tests.will be having 2 informed tests ahead next week...man...i'm going nuts soon.and maybe i will have less time for blogging and all.can only do all these like during the weekend.
went for TP open house last thurs and saw that idiot jerome there.that big mouth.anyway...thanks to him and JOAN! wadever. i dont mind everyone knowing about it now anyway, cos it's NOT something morally wrong and it keeps me HAPPY so it DOESN'T matter what other people THINK! i'm not afraid.wanted to go for SP's open house but didn't.shall save it for next year.
anyway, wanna wish Kevin early HAPPY BIRTHDAY and if you see this,just smile and be happy.you're one year older and getting to adulthood soon so enjoy your very last teenage year and have no regrets yea?
hope everything will be better next week for everyone and for me. and yea my phone will be available in few days' time soon.sorry...


"i miss you"

Hey ___ look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things i wanna do?
'But it hurts when you disapprove all along
And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me
Cuz we lost it all
Nothing last forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore
Nothing's gonna change the that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
Cuz you don't understand...



perfect by simple plan

just some pics .were taken from my belated bdae lunch,that outing with the gals and boys...and the countdown party in church...the memories seem to have faded and some stay..yea they do,love.

love you once again.

today was such a tiring day.yea i felt really exhausted till i fell asleep just now in the car while was on the way home.but the weekend is finally here so at least i can get to rest over the weekend...feel so lazy to go for tuition tmr now.the sec1 orientation just now was kinda successful.the number of ppl signed up wasn't that bad.yea but i was soon bored hanging around giving sweet and persuading ppl to sign up.anyway,it was quite fun after all,gotta bond more with the sec2 juniors and fellow friends.

life without handphone is really quite miserable though it was just a day.argh...must wait for another week more to go.well,one good reason is that i need to save up my money and it will take me abt one week.well for wad?haha you don't have to know.it's because of sth and it's for someone.well..it's time for making sacrifices.another reason is because i wanna have some time for myself to study and to rest...i'm really feeling the pressure of N level,the pressure of those major exams that all the teachers are always talking about in class.well...two years of suffering and pain(sounds more like erm??)

wadever.i'm exhausted.goodbye

hey yea. i'm back from school today.well,second day of school.everything was fine and normal. so far the things that teachers talked about when they just first stepped into the class is all about N level,how hard we gotta work and catch up this year, all the statistics of passes and distinctions of SAC compared to NAT and all.maybe they were not aware but some of us are feeling freaked out damn soon.yea and i think i'm one of them though.orals are like in march and prelims will be round the corner as well..my god when we just like started school yesterday?!

anyway,came back from tuition and nearly fell asleep in front of the tutor just now.went to cafe shop after school with natassia today and it was really a long time since i last went there.i miss the food there though.tomorrow will be fri and yea...another busy day is awaiting me.after school gotta stay back for sec1 cca orientation and obviously i have to be down to help out.anyway...cca won't be starting anytime soon till next fri so i still have a few more days to enjoy.gotta sign off here.i don't really have time to post today.

p.s: everyone pls take note if you wanna contact me,pls either call my hse phone or leave a tag on my blog and i will get back to you as soon as i can.and pls NO MORE calling to my hse phone AFTER 10PM! my handphone won't be available for the next one week.thanks and apologize for the inconvenience.


"i'm gonna miss you boy"

first day of school.was super busy running around looking for people and getting things done.well,i was late for meeting and at least managed to be on the right click of time.welcome the sec ones to the family.well, they all looked so lost and super obedient girls.it's the best day over.everyone seemed excited and was still in hols mood.well my class is 4/4 and i'm gonna be big sister.time flies.the classroom is located all the way upstairs and well, it will take us about 5 mins to get down to the canteen.so that means i have to do climbing exercise like everyday from now on!

my form teacher is still ms wendy.which is good.mostly all my subjects' teachers are not changed.except for maths,geog and chinese?maybe?ms marsura is finally back!wow.she's a NEEDED teacher for my 0 maths class man! we're dying.i just love school as much as i did for the last year cos i can sit with my bestie a.sia! haha..but we must pretend that we won't talk so much so that ms wendy won't change our place!...haha sec one cca orientation is coming soon and i'll be getting busy again.anyway, first few days of school are just fun but busy.got tonnes of stuff to take care of and thanks to consmammoth and cassy for your presents! i love 'em yea

p.s: you will never be forgotten, my dear

may this year be a better and happier year to everyone and for myself.gotta study hard and play hard as well.i'm in love with my 15! I can't wait to go back to school.i miss everyone and everything.love school.love friends and love the sec4 life!

woohoo!!!

love you!

I am thinking of you
In my sleepless solitude tonight
If it's wrong to love you
Then my heart just won't let me right
Cause I've drowned in you
And I won't pull through
Without you by my side
Imagining I'm looking in your eyes
I can see you clearly
Vividly emblazoned in my mind
And yet you're so far
Like a distant star
I'm wishing on tonight
Give my all for your love
Tonight

M is for Mysterious
A is for Articulate
R is for Rebellious
I is for Intense
A is for Abstract

soon 16
27Dec
Capricon
SACSS
Student Coucillor
SACGE-Concert Master
noise-maker
cacherendezvous.livejournal.com

loves.